Summer is my best time of year. I am definitely more positive with the warmer, longer days. And I've been trying to be more active too, more walks, more play dates.
Recently I've been trying to accept situations instead of dwelling on them or getting mad about them. And to just accept my friendships the way they are.
Life is calm right now.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Snowing
I hate winter, it always drives me crazy, and yet it fits in with how I feel; cold, dark, hard, isolated, frozen.
I feel lonely a lot.
I am questioning all of my friendships. I yearn for a close female friendship, one where I don't feel like I am the one doing all the work, one where I don't feel like it's a pity friendship, one where I really know that person actually wants to hang out with me. But to be honest with you, a lot of the time I don't like myself. I am constantly questioning why anyone would actually be friends with me, it's not like I am a happy person very often and who wants to be around someone who is so depressing?
My husband is going away for 4 days this coming weekend. It's totally freaking me out. I feel like I'm being such a child, but the thought of it just being myself and my son fills me with anxiety. I thought I had covered all my bases, I had made plans with someone to make sure I wasn't alone the whole time, but now I don't know if I'll even see her at all this weekend. I feel let down.
I'm not good at dealing with situations like this. I have no idea how I would try and approach this person to let them know that I am disappointed and frustrated, without it becoming more than it needs to be.
I just so badly want to run home, and when I say run home I mean get on a plane and fly home. But ultimately that's not going to help, my depression, stress and anxiety would just get on the plane with me.
I get very frustrated with myself. I hate what my child has to witness. But I am drained, I have no more energy in myself to get through the day without the tears. How ridiculous does that sound!
Praise the Lord that I enjoying reading, at least I get some respite when I read, my brain doesn't have to go over and over and over everything.
I feel lonely a lot.
I am questioning all of my friendships. I yearn for a close female friendship, one where I don't feel like I am the one doing all the work, one where I don't feel like it's a pity friendship, one where I really know that person actually wants to hang out with me. But to be honest with you, a lot of the time I don't like myself. I am constantly questioning why anyone would actually be friends with me, it's not like I am a happy person very often and who wants to be around someone who is so depressing?
My husband is going away for 4 days this coming weekend. It's totally freaking me out. I feel like I'm being such a child, but the thought of it just being myself and my son fills me with anxiety. I thought I had covered all my bases, I had made plans with someone to make sure I wasn't alone the whole time, but now I don't know if I'll even see her at all this weekend. I feel let down.
I'm not good at dealing with situations like this. I have no idea how I would try and approach this person to let them know that I am disappointed and frustrated, without it becoming more than it needs to be.
I just so badly want to run home, and when I say run home I mean get on a plane and fly home. But ultimately that's not going to help, my depression, stress and anxiety would just get on the plane with me.
I get very frustrated with myself. I hate what my child has to witness. But I am drained, I have no more energy in myself to get through the day without the tears. How ridiculous does that sound!
Praise the Lord that I enjoying reading, at least I get some respite when I read, my brain doesn't have to go over and over and over everything.
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